The end is near, the end is here, WTF could I do to change how I feel? how I think? How I act? I dont think I can cause then it wouldn b me anymore.  Going on day 9 with very little sleep maybe 2 hrs a night, and a little over 600 spent on alcohol.  Everytime I walk my sides hurt, the bottom of stomach throbs everytime I breath.  My eyes are a yellowish brown color, an my breath taste like hennesy.  I haven been eating, and its starting to show… my clothes dont fit, I don’t fit.  Not fit for a family, not fit for a girl, not fit for this earth, not fit for shit…Ima piece of shit and I know it, ive accepted it, and ima deal with it the best way i know how to

before you say you love me
How much of it can you tolerate
You can’t talk about marriage and giving birth
If you hit the dirt anytime you think I lift a skirt
It grows tiresome everytime you get berserk
Plus if you abandom home over what was just a flirt
Without a care, I just chuck Deuces
My skin will turn numb and you’ll be stuck with what your truth is
Then you’ll feel a way thinking I should have resisted
Then you’ll start to see a side of me
You never knew existed
Cause you’ve never seen me act like a jerk
I know women will provoke you and get mad when it works
Rather reserved and that always makes matters the worst
Cause I go on about my business and not act like it hurts
But wait
It’s to the point I gotta ask myself
Why the fuck is it so easy to detach myself
Maybe it ain’t you
Just something I lack myself
But if these wounds are self inflicted I can patch myself
Wait I’m thinking bout our bond and what happened to it
If you ain’t lifting the burden, you probably adding to it
Just say my logic is wild and just sick to her
Just say I’m all for self and don’t consider her
She feel like she don’t have a voice in this relationship
I’m thinking boo you got a choice so why you taking it
Certain shit I wouldn’t stand for
I’m giving her my all but she demands more
I wish she would understand more
Certain shit you couldn’t plan for
I’m guessing I love you and your worth it
I should take some time out and figure if you deserve this
But you just think that I’m full of it
We both come from backgrounds of bullshit
I was fortunate that aint what you see in me…
But I’m always who you wanna bring the questions to
It’s less about me hiding shit and more about me rejecting you
It’s totally different the way our minds are made up
To me flirtings natural, to her it’s cause for break up
To me it’s human nature she disagree with the logic
confusing being monogamous with being robotic
I talk to other girls I interact with em
You shouldn’t take that as tryna get in the sack with them
Just know how I act with you is how I act alone
I signed up for a girl not a chaperone
Besides that plan’ll backfire and now it’s onto her
She don’t take my word and now I feel I’m being monitored
And I wont you to be the one that I endured the longest
Accept me at my weakest, support me at my strongest
Bring something to the table though, earn ya keep
Then I’ll triple it and all I ask in return is peace
Aint with the arguing shit all the time
You see I’m honest to a fault but is it yours or mine
I put you through some things where you could have bolted
You want honesty or rather shit be sugar coated
I’ll put you on a list of people screaming fuck me too
Do you want a pretty lie or the ugly truth?
Truth is you got some things that you gotta learn too
When everything that concerns me don’t concern you
Truth is you gotta a couple tainted views
And you bring up my ex as an I couldn’t do the same with you
Truth is you want me to do the kept it real
Truth is you’re too emotional and need a better filter
No third party will ruin our plan
I’d hate for you to be the girl who’s too consumed with her man
So I want you to have your own plans
You to have you own ends
You to have your own life
You to have your own friends and I’ll be right beside you
I can tell that you cried
Cause you don’t bring up problems that you got with me till I do
You say that I’m out a lot and that I aint here enough
You take care of me and I’ll take care of us…